She woke me up from a deep, sound sleep around midnight, looked straight into my eyes, pointed a finger at me sharply and exclaimed I HATE YOU! In a moment, she lay back in bed, closed her eyes and either slept off or pretended to be. I ponder and wonder at both the word hate and her action. I was shocked! To hate means so much more than to dislike. “I don’t like you” would have been better to “I hate you!” that she said to me.
We have been married for twelve years, had two children, good jobs and a bright future. She was a classroom teacher. I was the pastor of a dynamic and fast growing Church. Our children were doing very fine at schools. We had no liabilities even though we had no physical assets too.
Why was the question I asked myself than and several weeks after. Why should she hate me? For what did she hate me? In an attempt at answering those questions of why and what, I pointed a searchlight on several issues. I started with money. Can a woman hate her husband for his inability to meet her financial needs and wants? How could money breed hatred in a Christian Home?
Then I questioned our sex live. Was she satisfied with our sexual relationship? Would sex provoke a husband or wife so much that he or she would hate his or her spouse? Hate? I asked several other questions in my mind as to what could make her hate me. Then, I made her tell me what was on her mind that so much hurt her to that extend.
I am sure you would like to know what she told me. Yes, you have the right to know and I will tell you. She hated me because while she liked to hear any information first from me, she was used to hearing it from someone else, especially from my church members.
She hated me because of the lack of perfect communication system in an Ideal Christian Home. Looking back today, thirteen years after, I have discovered through experience, research and observation that lack of marriage and family life education before and after wedlock is responsible for about 95% failure in marriages.
The concept of communication for this discuss is for the man to understand that he needs to start each day with his wife on a soft Word, praising her for who she is -a child of God, loved and cared for specially by God. In the noon, that is, after the day’s busy-ness, or at any particular period of the day when it is very necessary to drive home a point, he should not be afraid to disagree with her but only on principles. She should be made to understand and realize that she could not have her way all the time.
Whatever happens, the man should adore and encourage his wife in the evening time. She should not be made to go to bed with a burden. This is a moment when she needs plenty of time to be at peace with her inner self to facilitate not only a sound sleep but also a happy spiritual union with her God.
Although, I do not wish to write authoritatively as a standing rule, I opine strongly that each conversation in the night starting from any particular place within the home should end with a warm embrace and loving kisses in the bedroom which climaxes in both a physical (not necessary genital) and a deep spiritual union of their whole-being.